Best Possible Interpretations
Most of my fear comes from stories I tell myself. In fact, there are those that say that all emotions come from thoughts (Brooke Castillo of The Life Coach School has a really interesting take on this). I have a ridiculously good imagination when it comes to catastrophic thinking. My boss didn’t like my TPS report? He’ll probably fire me tomorrow and I’ll never get another job and I’ll end up penniless and alone. My friend didn’t call me back? Not only does she hate me but I’m probably fundamentally unloveable - see penniless and alone conclusion above. :-) Knowing intellectually that these things probably aren’t true only helps a little bit.
My ultimate goal is to get to a very Buddhist place of total non-judgement where I am completely neutral in my thinking. Since it’ll probably be awhile before I hit the off-ramp for Nirvana, I’ve been using a technique I call “Best Possible Interpretation” (BPI for short) for years and if nothing else, it lowers my blood pressure. It works like this: For anything you have a negative reaction to, particularly one that’s directed towards another person and the motivations you assume about their behavior, try to flip the script and think about a motivation they might have that would be positive. Sometimes, you’ll have to get pretty creative but if nothing else you’ll amuse yourself trying and I promise you’ll lower your blood pressure. This is a bit of an extension of the commonly-heard strategy to avoid road rage, which is to assume that every driver acting like an a-hole has a sick child in the back seat that they are rushing to the hospital. A few examples:
A friend stands me up for my birthday dinner: BPI = she is helping me to practice unconditional love
A stranger runs over my foot with a cart at the grocery store, seemingly on purpose: BPI = he is a casting agent for a new candid camera series and thinks I’d be perfect on-screen
The alternate, “Best Possible Interpretation” stories you make up may not be true, but it doesn’t matter. Because you live in your mind and your body, and your stories are what are making you either happy or miserable. Choose to entertain a story that makes you feel better. Oh, and of course your friend and the stranger should be ‘notified’ of the inconvenience they’ve cause you - it’s a learning experience for them, but you also get to keep your blood pressure down.