Working with Limiting Beliefs
There’s an old story about a baby elephant that is tied to a fence with a thin rope. For a short while, she tries hard to break the rope or the fence to get away, but is unsuccessful. Eventually, the baby elephant grows to be a sturdy and massively strong adult, but continues to accept her belief that she cannot escape the fence, so she doesn’t try. This is what limiting beliefs are like. We take an old ‘datapoint’ and apply it to new situations, to our detriment. And then we look for evidence to support it (a well-known cognitive bias called ‘confirmation bias’), because we like to be right.
Do you have a belief that’s holding you back? Something ‘limiting’ and ‘fixed’ that you think about your capabilities or your place in the world or what you deserve, that you assume is true – and even look for evidence to support? The mind is funny like that. It reaaaalllly likes its’ comfort, and feeling ‘right’ is comfortable. Our minds would in some ways rather feel ‘right’ than ‘happy’. And we’re also wired to feel safe, and limiting ourselves seems safe.
I’ve used the following steps to help many people (including myself!) successfully confront a limiting belief and transform it into a thought pattern that is more supportive. Try it yourself.
Name the belief – write it down
Ask yourself if the belief is really true: “Can I know for sure that it’s true? Even in the future which hasn’t happened?”
Ask yourself, “Who would I be without this thought? What is possible for me without this thought?”
State: “I will not give energy/fuel to this thought anymore. It’s not a Future Truth”.
Replace the limiting belief with an Expansive Statement (examples below) that supports your growth. Draft 3 alternative statements and pick one to test drive…
Commit to the following for 2 weeks:
Actively look for and make note of evidence that the new belief is valid
Be aware of and note your new feelings, behaviors, and results
Try it for 2 weeks; on the other side is a new world of possibilities. Be prepared for your mind to resist being ‘wrong’ about your former beliefs — you can intentionally replace that impulse with curiosity.
Here are a few examples of common limiting beliefs (although if yours isn’t on here, don’t worry…I can assure you you’re not alone!)
Common Limiting Beliefs | Corresponding Ideas for Expansive Growth Statements
I’m too old | Maturity is a strength I can leverage in the following way…
I’m too young | Beginner’s Mind is a strength I can leverage by…
I’m not smart enough | Intelligence comes in many forms, the form I want to cultivate is…
I don’t deserve it | Everyone is worthy of happiness; I can lean into that by…
I need people to like me | I like me and am interested in exploring prioritizing that through…
Things never work out for me | I am committed to looking for evidence that things can work out for me by…
Notice how the Limiting Beliefs are declarative and closed-ended, whereas the Reframe/Expansive Statement is allows for a learning/growth to facilitate it as a new Truth.
There is nothing “wrong” with any belief – all beliefs are essentially neutral. The challenge is when an unexamined belief prevents us from meeting our goals. You can find evidence for absolutely any belief. If I want to believe that my husband is an alien, I can find evidence of it (OK, that one isn’t challenging enough, LOL). The point is, we find what we seek and my experience and that of my clients has been that when we actively choose expansive beliefs, they become our reality.
I’d love to hear how you’ve worked with limiting beliefs, and your experience with this exercise!